You saw what I have written in the headline right? I just wanna say, I have been unwell for the past few days. I haven’t been my best self for the past few months. I guess I just feel, that it isn’t me who needs to listen to everyone and apologize for telling them the way I feel.
But then again, there comes the unsolicited advises about how I should learn how to win these battles on my own, conquer my fears, put myself out there a little. The people causing the havoc on me aren’t any different either.
Now I have had jobs, I worked in some pretty good places and some equally bad places, but everywhere I have been, I’ve found friends, some more opportunistic than the other. I remember being bullied in school for the way I looked or just tweaked up my style a little. I would name names but then who would punish these bullies? Speaking of bullies, they don’t stop till school, NOPE! They grow up to go to college with you and act like your friends while they make fun of your insecurities, when all you have done is laid out your issues in front of them. I also pity the people in offices who bully the junior, just because they had to go through the same treatment at their time. What’s funnier is, they come to work or sit at their houses everyday, reading their newspapers, sipping on their hot coffee/tea made by their mothers/wives or some even take the liberty to make something themselves, come on, else how will they be self proclaimed good people, talk about how a revolution should be brought, while rising their hypocritical fists up in the air, while they just repeat the same cycle everywhere.
You will probably joke about this, but I do consider myself to be a wallflower. I stand back and see who is who and who has been capable of what. I can see the pretty girl of the workplace get insecure when someone younger than her steps in and gets after her to get her sacked. I see the senior who takes a dig at the sophomore in college, but when she says no, he goes around speaking ill about that poor soul everywhere. But you know what the worst kind is? These people call you every night, address their problems to you and you help them calm down. Worst part? They only come to you when they have a pathetic fight with their s/o and expect you to listen to their sob story.
Now all this hullabaloo makes me realize, some of us are just a pair of ears to these types of people. They tell us how they feel, lay down their sadness on to our bodies, thinking we will just absorb everything they say, like a sponge but will seem offline when you need them beside you. What do you do to these people? Cut them off? Or just act like nothing ever happened when you pass them a smile while you bump into them in occasions. It’s a small world really, not just physically, but also mentally.
Maybe this time I won’t listen to you. No, I won’t listen to you. I am not crazy, I am just a little unwell, and this time, I am not ready to lend you my ears or be your pillar when you fall. Because I fell. I keep falling and I keep building myself up to fall down again, and while I expect you there, you are too busy expecting me to guard you from falling.